So here is the TRUTH….. I don’t like backbends.
It’s not all backbends that I dislike, I enjoy gentle chest opening, I love hanging out in upward facing dog and laying over a block. It’s camel, bow and wheel that are the fearmongers. If the teacher offers one of those poses, I don’t get excited. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare for the hard work that’s about to come. I go very slowly, I’m probably a few breaths behind everyone else, and I’ll come out of the pose before the teacher tells us to. From the outside they will look good, but inside is a whole other story.
I have to work hard to keep the compression out of my lower back, my right bicep hurts in wheel but it also feels better afterwards. Then there is the wave of emotion that comes along, the stuff that’s locked inside me that I don’t want to feel, probably the main reason I don’t like those poses. The stuff I need to work through, to release and let go of, the old heartbreaks, lost friendships, family feuds, a feeling of not being enough, the stuff that hardens me if I keep it inside. At home I will generally have a small cry during my backbends as the old emotions come up.
But I have decided to face my fear of backbends, I’ve committed to a teaching a workshop which means a lot of practice preparation for me. I know I’m missing out on a great part of the yoga practice by avoiding these. I’m also missing out on a great part of life, the more arm balances I practice without countering with backbends, the stronger and more independent I become, which is great, but doesn’t leave much room for a relationship. I have this great fear of depending on and needing other people, if I can do it all on my own no one can let me down me right?… but then no one can get close to me either….. It’s the poses that are the hardest for us that we need to give more attention to. Think about what you avoid in your yoga practice and where that fits in with your life off the mat.
I’m not sure where this post came from today, or why I felt the need to share. It’s very revealing from me and there is definitely some more emotion coming up as I write this.
See you this week for a backbend focused class. 💗
I was working full time in a high pressured office job and studying for my accountancy qualifications in the evenings and weekends. I loved my job and enjoyed studying, but when my social life had to step aside for me to focus I discovered yoga, which gave me the space, clarity and a sense of inner peace I so clearly needed.
After qualifying, I decided to take some time out from my career and see the world. During my travels I undertook an intensive yoga teacher training course in India. This experience changed my attitude to my career and it accountancy no longer held the same interest to me. Over time I have transitioned from full time accountancy to virtually full time yoga teaching.
Having worked with many organisations from young, fun, media companies to money hungry city firms, I know how yoga can calm and centre you after a long hard day at work.
Through breath and movement yoga can give you space between office life and YOUR LIFE!